Two nights ago when the day was through and the calm found us just before bed time. My son, all snuggled up next to me looked up with tears in his eyes. What’s wrong I asked.. And with absolute conviction, visceral sadness and a puckered bottom lip he said, “I am never going to have a baby brother or sister. I want us to have a baby. Can we ask the doctor to give us a baby?” His baby fever has grown exponentially in comparison to mine over the last few years. And it finally happened, he’s convinced himself he will be an only child forever.
It took every ounce of my body to not bust into tears and say… I want a baby too. I do want a baby too but it just isn’t the time. Our current lifestyle, financial situation and home all need to change in order for a new baby to be in the cards. Everyone says, whether you want the “advice” or not, that “there is never a right time, you just figure things out as they come”… And to an extent they are right I suppose but no matter how much a baby is wanted, I will never feel that a baby should be a fickle or rash decision.
The baby talk has been relentless and he is saying things like, “I want to have a baby shower” and “I will scoot over and share my bed and toys with my baby”. There is a great chance he might become the best big brother on the planet when the time comes. But how in the world do you explain to a four (almost five) year old that it isn’t the right time to think about having another baby? Here is how we handled it..
In that really tender moment I wasn’t really sure of what to say. He obviously needed to know that we do want to have more babies and that eventually we hope to give him a brother, a sister or both. So that is exactly where we started, with reassurance. We could see on his face that the reassurance would go a long way to help him feel better about this baby stuff. My husband and I hugged him and reminded him how much we love him. But we did this one small thing that made all the difference. We acknowledged his frustration and sadness in being an only child. It was simple really, he just needed to know that we understood where he was coming from.
I will not lie, I felt a great deal of relief that a conversation healed his sadness for the moment. We are blessed for our son to be raised very closely around his cousins and this helps in so many ways. For now we will continue to love him and when he asks, help him understand.
With love and hope for the future,